


I Know

by hannahbanana0521



Series: the Lams Angst Era [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, American Revolution, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Era, Emotional Infidelity, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahbanana0521/pseuds/hannahbanana0521
Summary: John had always been the one to make sacrifices for the people he loved. Alex just never expected him to take it this far.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler (Mentioned), Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: the Lams Angst Era [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878694
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	I Know

**Author's Note:**

> WHOO this one is from all the way back in August of 2017! I haven't made any changed, and feel like it's pretty obvious how far I've come as an author, but please enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not endorse/condone cheating in any form. Again, I wrote this 3 years ago.

“Laurens? What are you doing?! 

“John, move out of the way, you'll get shot!” Alex fought John's grip, but the man was stubborn, as immovable in his stance as he was in his opinions. And right now he was dead set on shielding Alexander, the only man he'd ever loved, from the danger that lay just behind them. 

“I know.” His voice was unwavering, and Alex could tell he meant it. John was always self sacrificing; leaving behind his family for the war, sticking by his friends’ sides even if it wasn't the smartest thing to do. And now, Alex could see it in his eyes. John had always told his lover he'd do anything for him, even die. And just like the prophecies you could only read about in fiction novels, it seemed this was about to come true. 

“No,” Alex choked, shaking his head and trying once more to push him away, but to no avail. “Laurens…” John only smiled, sad but sure, and gave the subtlest of nods. 

Alex didn't even hear the gunshot. In fact, he might never have known it had been fired if he had not felt the jerk of John's body upon impact, heard the muffled cry, and seen the fearful widening of his brown eyes. 

And then, he fell.

His grip on Alex’s shoulders only tightened as he struggled to remain upright. To stay in front of Alex and block any further harm that may come to him. He would have done anything to whisk his lover away, back to his home, with his wife and son. Maybe, John thought, if I could give him children, we could be happy. It was a silly thought, hardly appropriate given the circumstances, and he would have huffed a laugh, if he wasn't already struggling just to heave air into his lungs.

“John...John no, please stay with me, c’mon…” Alex begged, gently lowering him to the ground and cradling the man in his arms. He fumbled for John’s pistol, thankful to find it still loaded, and aimed it haphazardly at the soldier who’d done this to his beloved, firing and miraculously sending him to the ground as the bullet found its home in his stomach.

He turned his attention back to John, whose hands shook tremulously and appeared blood red, even darker than the garments of their enemies. His lips parted slightly, trying to form some semblance of words, anything to reassure his Alexander. “Shh, it’s okay,” Alex soothed, although his eyes shone with fear and grief. “You’re gonna be okay. They’ll patch you up and-” 

“Alex-”

“We’ll go home and I have a spare bedroom you can hea-”

“Alex!” John insisted more forcefully, and his lover halted, the tears finally spilling from his eyes as a sob ripped from his throat. “You can’t die!” he cried desperately, his facade dropping quickly . “Please, John, I can't lose you, too. Not like I lost her!” 

Alex squeezed his eyes shut tight as his mind raced with long forgotten memories, ones he'd suppressed in an effort to build a new life for himself upon his arrival in New York. Memories of the little wooden shack with the little dirt floor he had called home for the first 12 years of his life. Memories of his mother writhing with fever just beside him on the bed, sheets filthy and the air heavy with the scent of sickness. Memories of the way she dug her fingers into his arms, much like John did now, as she gasped out her final goodbyes.

When he opened his eyes again, he was surprised to find that John's beautiful brown gaze, which had been so full of fear and bewilderment just moments before, now shone with love and pity and…was that guilt? “You have a wife, Alex,” he whispered, heaving in a laborious breath. “A son on the way. You have to stay alive. For them.” When Alexander showed almost no reaction, John fisted his hands into the faded blue fabric of his jacket sleeves. “Promise me, Alex!” he begged. “Promise me you’ll go home to her!” 

“I promise,” Alex choked out, watching in horror as his lover’s eyes began to fade. “But I’ll always love you, John.  _ You. _ ” John only smiled and cupped Alex’s face one last time, the ghost of a couple words barely passing his lips before his eyelids flickered shut and his body fell limp, his hand thudding onto the blood-dampened grass. 

“I know.”


End file.
